2010 to 2013 was a time marked by lots of changes to my body. I was no longer going to age, I was going to fight it with every fiber of my being. I started to walk around the block, and that turned into walking a few miles, which turned into walking with a little jogging, to more jogging than walking, nothing but jogging, to jogging with running, then full on running. Past 2 miles, 4 to 8 miles a day. Longest run being 12 miles. I went from a size 46 pant down to a 34, something I hadn’t been since I was in my teens. I mixed it up with cycling, sailing, swimming when I could, and calisthenics.
Then my knee decided to crap out. Spoiler, something grew in the tendon but wouldn’t be diagnosed until this year.
It was the end of 2013 or so going into 2014. I was working for Boardvantage. I suddenly couldn’t run like I had been doing, my right knee would just be in pain, out of balance with my left knee. Slowly the weight began to creep back on. I tried going to Kaiser for help.
“You’re too fat, they won’t do anything for you in ortho!” my primary care physician told me. They weighed me while I was wearing my doc martin boots and a leather jacket. I tried to tell her that, but to no avail.
Slowly my knee began to get worse, and the weight continued to pile on. I started smoking again hoping to keep it under some control. It did, my weight hovered around 220 for the most part.
2016 my knee locked up for a week. The doctor ordered an ultrasound. “You’re fat and a smoker, I’m not doing anything else for you” was pretty much her answer.
2019 my leg had a complete muscle spasm of some kind. Only it wasn’t. The doctor that saw the MRI said, “Oh you just have a pulled muscle” and forgot about it. The pain was so severe on that one that I had to steal some of my wife’s squirreled away opioid pain meds.
Covid came, packed on another 20 lbs. Broke my finger, quit smoking, then the weight really packed on. I’m currently 342 +/-2 lbs. I’ve never been this heavy in my life. The pain grew to be so intense I couldn’t even walk a block anymore. Any walking I did do, required the use of a cane.
I got lucky though. I finally got a doc that listened to my concerns. He ordered 2 MRI’s and found a hot spot. It looked like my quadricep tendon had torn, and been torn for years. This caused my knee to drop (which caused the lockup they didn’t want to work on) and the Cartlidge on the kneecap to get worn out. Within 6 weeks I was scheduled in for surgery.
So I’ve been back to walking the last month. Not much at first, just a mile if I was lucky, and it HURT. Especially my back, I’d have to find spots to sit and rest the back from hauling all that belly weight up. I’ve been closing these circles daily on apple fitness.
With me has been my faithful companion Beatrice. She too was out of shape, at least as out of shape as a 3 year old Corgi can be, but she’s been doing nightly walks with me, and because of that loves me sooooo much. She’s the one on the far right.
Now I can complete several miles without a break. I just let Beatrice lead us wherever.
Here’s where perception comes into play thought. A lot of people would look at my gaining weight, and just assume I decided one day I wanted to be lazy. They had no idea (I had no idea) that a fatty tumor decided to plop down in one of my major leg tendons. So naturally people just treated me like every other fat fuck out there.
“You just need to eat less, and exercise more”
“But I can’t exercise, it fucking hurts”
“Then just eat less, anyone can do that”
I’m a big man, about 5’11” (my wife says I’m 6′) There’s a certain energy level and muscle density that if I don’t eat, I lose it. I will barely be able to carry myself around (and it actually was near that about 2 month ago)
There’s a lot of conversations like that though. For all intents and purposes I’ve been disabled the last decade. I’d get into these discussions with people about bike lanes.
“Oh we must create a car free society! Everyone should walk or bike!”
“But I’m disabled”
“Fuck you” was pretty much their answer everytime. (Well, it was actually lots of downvotes on reddit, but that’s a whole different issue)
It’s certainly changed my perception of overweight people.
I’d say at least 90% of them are overweight because they’re eating too much, and not exercising enough. Then there’s that 10%, who like me are this way because they were disabled, or in an accident, or some other kind of physical issue.
Here’s where my biggest issue with Kaiser comes from. That photo at the top of this? That is how I looked when they told me “Ortho won’t work on you because you weight too much” Sometimes, it’s not even them looking at you, it’s them looking at some botched scale readings and a BMI chart that dictates the care you’ll recieve. Even medical doctors will look at you, and decide, “You’re fat because you’re a overeating, lazy slob” and not “Oh you’re fat because you’re in too much pain to exercise”
I thank god for Dr. A, and Dr F for taking care of me. My knee isn’t perfect, but it’s a helluva lot better than it was. I just wished their colleagues had taken my complaints about pain serious when I went to them in 2013.
While I’m down, I’m not out. I’ll continue to push myself back to where I was, just like that last time, only a little bit slower. I’ve been eating a salad here or there, cut down on a lot of sugar, and just keep moving.
F**k Kaiser. Ugh! I’m so glad to be done with them!
So, you and I have similarities for sure.
Whatever occured to my hips that was initially called avascular necrosis due to the surprisingly limited amount of blood flows to them. Yeah that’s a head scratcher. However, it then became the norm to be called Osteonecrosis which is more the effect as the earlier is the cause. Idiopathic is what my Orthopedic listed. It can be caused by athletics which like you I tried to take care of my body while also working 60 70 hours week. My leg strength was phenomenal, I played defensive end and outran everyone though I had since 14 and still have smoked to the day 53. 20 Cheyenne Cigars day day and half. Athletes Bo Jackson suffered the same affliction. Alcohol, I definitely drank and was honest with my Orthopedic Dr Heimburger, who specialized in only hips. With my career blossoming again after the death of my father. This condition had been going on for sometime and the plan was to wait as long as possible, I was for the 1st time on opiates. It did not affect me with my career, however with the hours worked and driving all over TN, WV, OH, PA,VA,NC and SC. I did need more than was prescribed, also because I become tolerant to medications and drugs. It did take a toll on me especially when my wife was being prescribed more opiates than me with hardly the medical condition to justify.This from a doctor I had admitted but did leave when was prescribed methadone, of course I thought that odd but never helped me one bit with pain. Long story short after everyone and everything failing us where I had been the Hero was now the Zero 10 months of Heroin and prescribed Fentanyl and working on my wife CPR due to OD, split a slip or stamp they call it 3 ways. Finally was able to quit the drugs cold turkey after 3 or 4 months driving from SC to WV, just couldn’t make it stick at my Mother’s, finally did with wife’s step mother though her biological father passed several years prior. So hopefully you understand why I paid this area so much and wanted more explanation, because there is a drug problem out there. We never stole or lost anything to drugs, but turned to after losing so much of what we had due to youngest son, step but do not consider that way. Going through what I had also at such an early age Manic Depressive which is now Bipolar.
If you can’t tell, I’m on the upswing with mine of which I will not see a doctor for, because my wife also packing on the pounds due to her doctor prescribing medications for he bi polar which she does not nor had. She has suffered in the past with Anxiety and she would take a prescribed benzo occasionally and was fine. She had a ton of them we threw away, I could’ve made a mint on however like said. We are different, don’t judge and aren’t saints, however loathe the fuckery from the Elitist top for sure. I am not a conspiracy theorist and do not believe as most do. However I am a truth lover and can’t stand to be lied to even if someone thinks to be my benefit. I do believe in God, met him through Jesus. But have spoke to lesbians and queers and many have been solid people I admire and trust. No theologian but felt my God gave them freewill and if it was love not lust, and no one getting scammed or hurt. The God I know with all of whatever I am. I have to give the glory for my ability to walk without my cane. My Abel and Cane now coexist. I set off running as soon as my imagination and some real scenarios are being played out and wanted to save people from harm. Of course this was exactly when everyone I’m sure you noticed were definitely having an experience. Mine was spiritual in nature and seemed to be communicating with God sometimes and other times the Devil himself. Long ago, that chatter that is in everyone’s head, I had to silence while still being able think. So when a voice comes to my head and I almost heard one audibly and still kind of do. I just talk shit to it when it tells me stupid stuff and if there’s something that can benefit others I’m all ears. I have problems but so far nothing that I need to be anything other than selfless in what I do however I’m nobody’s whipping boy anymore than I ever did or allow to happen to me. So now to the hips again, I am sore because I’m walking so much where I hadn’t and in some discomfort, however must credit a higher power for the ability that I believed I no longer possessed along with even the ability to get to a doctor to correct. I was certain that any day my femoral head would collapse under my weight. God gave me a miracle with walking again and Im taking it slow now as I should have.
It was also painful when I told and showed those in my life and community weren’t as amazed as I was that miracles do happen and of course was adamant that I was not Jesus or God, but no other explanation than I’ve learned and now must prepare for the next. I do not believe that I’m as Dantes Inferno or Divine Comedy if you prefer on levels of hell. However, reality or consciousness has always been a subject of interest along with the esoteric, the ancient civilizations and various philosophies. I’ve been trying to write a story if you can’t tell and I can’t separate myself from any of it. No matter how bizarre it has gotten or as simple as opening my small New Testament with Pslams and Proverbs and initially unfazed when I saw also Hebrews and Galatians in that book you know those as well as I do not belong. My old friend Robert Bob Campbell a lifelong friend gave me 02/02/1993. God loves us so much that Bill Murrays experience of it just doesn’t Matter is silliness. Because God will allow us individually as many times as necessary to get it right and no hell awaits anyone lest the one that they make. I dont know if was in 2027 or not though I feel that I was, but now August 1 2026 to tell as many as I am able that, he wants us to have faith in each other and to expose the elites control over the world as seems the evidence all there but everyone blind to see and forgotten under the weight of the structure that they themselves have put in place to enslave us and cause the misery and all that follow it, just so they not for money mind you because we do have a fiat economy and can just print more. It is the exclusiveness that they believe most everyone not worthy of. The New World Order is their goal along with immortality that they believe they will obtain. With only a population necessary to do what they do not want to without thought or reflection, which seems were on path to in a lot of folks I listen to or see today and maintain the lifestyle of decadence that has destroyed every civilization before us. Now here in the greatest nation for freedom with so many laws where One maybe 7 should be enough. I feel that a terrible civil war here or global nuclear war is in our future if something is not done and also in a manner that reflects no malice, hatred or division save for those that continue to exploit and harm others without their consent and complete understanding to do so. I also have my bi polar son who is capable of so much more and so intelligent his IQ may surpass mine but continually adversity he finds or finds him so I do know that this battle is difficult and will not be won overnight. I have said that I’m not trying to wake anyone up to anything because it is later now than it has ever been and the time now is for someone to work on or have a plan in place that I may be unaware of. It did seem to me that God was saddened and we both cried for the condition we are allowing the world to be and worse to come in rising sea levels as I woke one morning from a terrible vision or dream. Asking my wife if Florida and California and the East Coast were still there. And in my waking hours before then, on my phone had such a power to control it seemed that I some how locked myself out of my Google account trying to rid that awesome responsibility from my hands. I did ask for one word and you answered amazingly Toq, Rob. Like me I’ve many names over the years, some hateful some loving so because misunderstood or just not paying enough attention. What’s in a name. It does seem some correlation though. However I was named from my paternal family. Charles Houston Bishop. I was known as Mickey but was so introvert in school Charles is what my fellow classmates called me. I go by Mick, and I’ve told tales or tells of that. Point is what do we call our education system “to draw from within” when it seems to be of first necessity, because our children aren’t being taught real history or real abilities save the programs that are supported by fundraisers. I read once that only 10 percent of what is learned in school to apply to a successful life and with the college entries for the 1st time flashing cognitively less, we are the frog in a slowly coming to boil pot of water. Lulled to sleep to death upon him so quick it seems all in mercy however we are not frogs and whatever we are analog digital or virtual. In God made man image of us he said as plural? Lilith possibly? Another time as so late I can’t believe already morning. Faith in one another he told me. Help one another. My aunt is telling me I’m to plant the seed not change their hearts. I do not know why she sent me that. Hope I’m correct Rob because I need someone to trust and to talk with on a level that is unknown to me and has been for most of my life. That wants and also able to help save as many as we can or discuss the path forward for freewill against the pedophile liars that control our world that continue to scathe justice or any resemblance of hope.
God Bless and keep up with the body, the reduction to the ridiculous is one way from Zig Ziglar. One step one bite one just one more until you have 2 then 3 you get the idea. Maybe old news too, but whatever field Jerome decides I’m sure he’s got it. If not after he keeps going I am assured that God haa got his back and front and dang lord allow me 360° you and I hopefully discovering 369 Tesla and also Uni Verse. Best of Hopes till I hear from you and if can help me restore my Google account.Id appreciate it much as valued contacts and pictures and writings all there unfortunately all in one basket that some how I didn’t ensure was secure someway I imagine.
Love and Peace